In your adult life, has anyone ever asked you, “What do you want?” Not a frivolous, what kind of ice cream do you want, but a more serious important, “What do you want?”

It’s a simple question, but as simple as the question might be, identifying the answer is often anything but.

My therapist asked me that question once, when I was venting about how frustrated I was at the people and place I was working. My answer was, “I want to quit.” Looking back at that moment, I realize my therapist was helping me understand that I was free to seek a place and people I wanted to work for. It was my responsibility to know what was right for me.

What you really want may not be in the area of a job or career that can happen over a week’s time. But, knowing what you want is worth working toward because you can ensure that you are taking steps to live the life that is really yours and not trying to live someone else’s.

When we don’t know what we want or never honestly ask ourselves this question we lose time. We may end up moving forward but not in the right direction.

Another cost of not knowing what we want and not living the life we want – a life that feels unfulfilling because you aren’t doing what best suits you.

Sometimes we may not actually know what we want or even why we want it. That was the case with me in the story above. Our intense desires seem so unattainable that we stuff them aside to do what we think we are supposed to do or to avoid pain.

But, if we are genuinely interested in self-improvement, we can’t be satisfied unless we consciously acknowledge what we really want.

Finding what we want

            As I progressed into knowing what I wanted, here are some of the things I had to examine. They might help you to examine what you want,

•      First, I found out what I didn’t want. Think about what makes you unhappy, frustrated, and bored and then about how you can create a life that avoids as many of those problems as possible. For example, I hated working full time. I don’t like being around superficial people, and I don’t want work that lacks meaning.  
•       I thought about the kinds of experiences I wanted to have and what life with those experiences in it would look like. For example, I want to work with a group of people in ministry. I love Team ministry.
•    I also thought about what accomplishments have made me most proud? They have been the ones that I created a group and we accomplished a project together. Your answer might have nothing to do with a hard-won A or a trophy — it might be the time you stuck up for someone who needed your help. What you’re proud of can help you see what matters most to you.   
•      I had to answer this question, “Who do you look up to?” The people you admire — whether they’re celebrities, historical figures or people you know personally — can tell you something about who you are and what you value. Consider what it is about them you like and whether those qualities are worth reaching for. I have always been drawn to leaders who have the qualities of acceptance and forgiveness in their leadership.
•   Another question I had to answer is, “What are some things you feel you do well?” I lead groups well. In fact, I love groups; I think we can learn a lot more from a group than just one person. Think about the talents you already know you have, and ask friends and family what they think you’re good at. You might be surprised by what they say.

Pausing to ask yourself what exactly you want – not what you think you should want or what others want you to want or want for you – can be surprisingly enlightening and maybe even enjoyable.

Most importantly, I believe we must honestly look at what God wants for us along with what we want. To look at these both together we’ll find our discernment journey has authenticity.

Over time we will discover that what we really want is what God wants for us and it is exactly the way he created us to be. We can know that His faithfulness to us allows us to let go of the idea of what we wanted and place it in his hands trusting He will return something better to us.

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 27:4

I think this verse means if we place our desires in what the Lord wants to do in our lives, He will give us the desires of our hearts which are really the desires for us that are the best for us.

As I get older, and maybe more humble I want to want what God wants, because He knows what I really want and will help me know what that is.

I challenge you to take action in the direction of what most aligns with your desires as you let God reveal His desires for you.

Need help? I’d love to come along side you as your coach to get you started.